Why you can never succeed at the Law of Attraction…or fail at it
‘Why does it always happen to me?’
Do you recognise this question?
Many of us live with the impression that we are at the mercy of life’s circumstances. Whenever we encounter difficulties, we tend to feel like powerless victims of an unfair universe. We may highlight this cosmic injustice to people around us. We may even think that it is their fault. I only say this because it is part of my behavioural make-up. Please do let me know if it’s just me.
For others, the feeling of being ‘in control’ of things is the preferred option. If we happen to be part of this latter group, we can’t live without to-do lists, rule of law, cleanliness. We like a good pecking order and we stay well organised. In fact, we organise everything…and that includes other people’s behaviour, ways of doing things and lives. Of course, all of this is done as an act of ‘generosity’ or a piece of ‘wise advice’, yet we feel triggered by those who ‘refuse to receive it’ and stick to their own (inferior) ways. Again, I only say this because I see it in myself.
There is yet a third group that swings between the two roles in different parts of their life. Here, we dance between “I’m a hero — I’m in control” and “I’m a victim — bad things just happen to me”. I suspect that we all can recognise ourselves in this interplay of roles to some extent — it is called ego.
I say ‘roles’ because they are. You may have already guessed where I am headed with all this — none of these behaviours are our True Nature. They are learnt, perhaps modelled and well practiced roles. Playing either of them out feels so familiar that we cannot help it. We enact the usual well-tested script and the hero or the victim rocks on to the stage. Yet after the show is over (and sometimes even before the curtains have closed), there is an equally familiar feeling of emptiness. Deep inside, we know it is a farce and this farce can never bring us lasting fulfilment. So why do we keep doing it?
The victim and the hero have both served us well. They kept us healthy, alive, allowed us to digest certain events at tender age, for which we may have been unprepared. But we are no longer children and most of us have observed these cycles of boom and bust enough to know that they don’t work. Worse still, they are the very reason for our suffering.
The truth is we are neither in control of circumstances, nor are we victims of them.
The ‘in control’ crew would perhaps be disappointed to learn that most of our ‘decisions’ appear to be conscious, but originate in the subconscious mind. In other words, they are the by-product of our conditioning and childhood traumas, our negative beliefs, our early perception of the world, our genetic and neurological make-up etc…But they certainly have little to do with our great decision making skills. A team of scientists in the Max Plank centre for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences in Germany has unraveled how the brain actually unconsciously prepares our decisions up to 7 seconds ahead of them ‘appearing’ in our conscious mind. Just ponder that for a moment. Scientists are able to tell what ‘conscious’ decision we are about to take before we *think* of it for the first time…What we call ‘free will’ may well be an illusion.
The ‘victims’ crew is equally left with no support — there is evidence that we shape our reality in both physics and neuroscience. The Law of Attraction, which in short states ‘you attract what you are’ has left the realm of what some consider ‘woo-woo’ New Thought philosophy and made it to the ‘safe’ world of evidence-based science. The double-slit experiment in physics shows that by the mere act of observation, we influence what we perceive as ‘objective’ reality. The experiment demonstrates the probabilistic (as opposed to deterministic) nature of quantum mechanical phenomena. In other words, the smallest phenomena that make up our ‘reality’ are uncertain in nature and what makes them ‘appear’ certain is our observation of them. Neuroscience reveals that what we see as reality is pure subjective perception. Our Reticular Activating System (RAS) acts like a filter for our conscious mind — it sweeps through the huge amounts of information that our brain processes every second and brings to our conscious awareness only the ‘relevant’ stuff. Thus, it presents us with a very subjective version of the world, biased towards the survival of our genetic code. In other words, it constantly brings to our attention what we have perceived as ‘threats’ in the past. Remember those negative beliefs that formed when you were 2 or 3? Well, the RAS makes sure you do not forget them. And while all of this feels ‘very real’ to us, it is all well made up by our miraculous brain.
So what does this leave us with? Well…the confusing idea that we are neither in nor out of control. That’s right. It would appear that we shape our reality (to the horror of our victim mentality), yet it happens mostly subconsciously, as much as we’d like to sometimes credit our mind with its cognitive and decision-making abilities (sorry, heroes). The Law of Attraction is real, but also subconscious and this leads me to the next point.
The ‘Fix’
Many have interpreted the Law of Attraction as something we can work at to get what we desire. In other words, if our outer world is truly a reflection of our inner world, then we can change our beliefs and thoughts to attract the circumstances of our dreams, they say. Positive thinking philosophers, empowerment gurus, affirmation teachers are all here to tell us to practice our power of intention and have a life of abundance. And there certainly is merit to this, but…
Something feels wrong — it is a strategy of ‘fake it till you make it’. And as previously mentioned, any strategy of this type, however powerful it may be, leaves us eventually empty. In a moment of honesty with ourselves, we may discover that no achievement, no fulfilled desire has brought us a lasting sense of inner peace. And this is because underneath the superficial layers of thoughts and intentions hides a deeper, often subconscious layer of fear, anger, hurt — a hungry ghost that no fulfilled desire can feed in a lasting way. Call it ego or simply the human condition. And as previously explained, it runs the show in ways we don’t always understand.
So what to do?
What if the answer is ‘just dance’. It appears to me that the Law of attraction is an inevitability — it is always true, always in place. It is not something to manipulate or ‘use’ to attract the life that we superficially want, an ‘empowered’ life of sorts. It is instead a precious mirror for us to constantly learn about our inner world, the beliefs that operate our behaviour and the wounds that we need to tend to. Indeed, I have no doubt that the outer world is a perfect projection of our inner experience, but I also see no point in trying to manifest a ‘better projection’.
Our triggers are our greatest teachers and this dance between hero and victim mode is part of the textbook called life. The more we turn its pages, the clearer we see through the dance, the more we heal what needs to heal naturally. No need for pushing, nor pulling. Circumstances and our reactions to them reflect back to us all that our soul needs to see, learn, experience in order to grow and transcend this human experiment. Life in itself is a path to freedom. Life IS freedom itself. There are no mistakes, no alterations needed.
The sacred dance between power-full-ness and power-less-ness cannot deliver lasting fulfilment, yet we are born dancers. Without partaking and learning the steps, we stand no chance at seeing its futility. It is only then that we can choose to hear the music and stay still.
So dance, loved ones.
